Hiatus.
Well I haven't posted for awhile. Boo hoo, how unfortunate, I'm sure there isn't a single person who truly cares. On the other hand, I personally, with regard to myself and my current state, think it matters a lot. (This is going to be one huge rant, quit now if you're not up to it). On one hand the fact that I haven't been posting indicates a lack of issues to complain about, as well as the fact that I have something resembling a life now. Maybe. But on the other hand it indicates that there's an absence of issues. Which is very, very bad. Why? Because if you're not constantly made aware of how you're filth, you'll get complacent. Complacency should never be allowed to happen. So I decided to put up a new post to end my hiatus, and destroy my complacency. And I realized the instant I started writing that I have loads to write about. Hip-hip hooray, the normal Kirill is back...
In particular, one inconsequential thing stands out in the past week. I was at an appointment at the dentist for a filling I think, and they weren't calling me back for awhile. So then this nurse/assistant/whatever comes up and calls me back. I follow her through the half-dark hallways while she says something like, "Yeah, we're running an hour late because of an emergency in the morning, you can stay, or you can reschedule..." I sit in the goddamn fart-inducing (at least for me) dentist chair and she gets the tools ready and leaves. So I'm sitting back and I realize something, she's completely unique. Not once have I ever heard a dentist's assistant say anything in that kind of voice. A normal, not matter of fact, purely well-meaning voice. And that completely made my day. I'm not kidding at all. I didn't even really notice a difference between her and other assistants when she was helping the dentist while she was getting the filling done. Other than the fact that she wasn't fat (thank god, for once). I can't really convey in words how good it felt to have a stranger say something well-meaning to you. I swear, it hasn't happened to me for years. Everyone is either a complete arrogant asshole (like me), or is trying to be cool, or support some other kind of image, or doesn't care. That was incredibly refreshing (and no it wasn't because she was not fat).
No matter how despicable I find discussing music on your blog, I have to point something out. Why does everyone I know seem to either hate/love/not know Radiohead. It's like because of the fact that Radiohead has loud obnoxious fans who claim that Radiohead is perfect and would gladly give their bodies and souls for an un-released B-side, everyone has to either side with them or oppose them. I even got the impression of a backlash against them in Jerry's (obviously completely unbiased) album reviews. I personally like their music. They have nice original sounds and they know how to play their instruments. Their lyrics are pretty pompous, and actually have real simple meaning underneath (according to them), but I will sing along anyways. Simply because they're so vague they can become meaningful to you because of your interpretation, and also cause I like the sound of Thom Yorke's voice (so what, shoot me Jerry). I hate absolutism/extremism (that's what I call it anyways, seeing stuff in black/white, etc), and my Mom is a prime example of it. More on her later.
There's something I find incredibly horrible about those thing like "Current Mood", "Current Music", "Balance", etc. I just can't view it as a joke. Smileys have over the years fostered such a deep hatred for them in me, that I can only tolerate them in any sensible way when I'm in a really good mood. I think that's because they scream stereotype at me through a foghorn. I think it has also happened with those current mood things as well. I can't stop getting freaked out every time I see "Current Mood: (smiley) tired" on Dan's blog. It makes me wonder whether Dan is really who I think he is every time. But that of course is what he wants so...
Speaking of Dan, some of you might have been sharp-eyed enough to notice I posted comments on Dan's blog. And yes I'm going to read every post he has ever written. I already finished his Xanga blog. Occasionally in the midst of dozens of meaningless posts I see what he calls "whiny posts" which I think really spill out his true personality, that of a typical teenager. I think we're all truly like that (unfortunately) but we often have a deep thought entrenched in our bitching that sometimes even the writer doesn't realize is there. Sometime I know I bitch about something and I can't pinpoint a reason. Then I realize it's my own character flaw I'm bitching about and I delete everything I wrote and write about how all of us have it (cause I generalize like that). But back to Dan, I want to read his entire blog because it fills in holes in the interactions of the Posse that I couldn't fill before since the stuff he talks about on his blog he doesn't often talk about at school. It's so unfortunate I've been missing so much. After I'm done with Dan I'll go on to Jerry. Maybe Captain Planet at some point. Personal blogs are more interesting though.
I'm really kind of excited about the Murder thing. Call me a fucktard whore loser nerd bitch geek but I've been practicing dives and evasive rolls with my Nerf guns. Yup. Too bad it won't really start until the 24th or so, and I won't even be there. But that's enough about that. It's embarrassing enough as it is.
I'm convinced my mom is absolutist just to spite me. She even accepts to it. She often does stuff that pisses me off to get me out of a crappy mood. You read that right, it makes no sense to me either, but apparently it's supposed to lighten me up. All it does is piss me off. But sometimes she's just a bitch. Like she's shouting at me right now because I didn't turn on the AC. I don't know about you guys but I'm not sensitive to temperature (not because I'm Russian). As a counter-example my Mom can detect temperature changes to 1 degree Celsius. I'm so totally serious, it's not even funny (except for the fact that I said totally). And yeah Celsius, fuck Fahrenheit. Well apparently at some point today she told me to turn on the AC if it gets above 28. She comes home, the first thing I hear as she's through the garage door, "God damn it you didn't turn on the fucking AC you useless bastard" (In Russian of course). We go to check it, the temperature is 28. I decided not to point out that she said when it gets above 28, not 28 and just decided to ignore her. She immediately recognized what I was trying to do and told me to go and close all the windows. Which I dutifully did, but she decided it wasn't enough and told me to go brush my teeth for some reason. I pointed out the absurdity of her order and she just decided to grumble for the next 30 minutes until the temperature had gone down a bit. This is typical of her, and I hate that. Also she can never accept she's wrong which pisses me off incredibly (I have the same trait (from her no less), but at least I try to fight it occasionally.
I watched Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. I don't know why everyone considers them such comedian geniuses, but I could see the incredible amount of effort and creativity put into the movie. Then I watched all the extra DVD features. Apparently they wrote material for it for like one and a half years before they started shooting, and didn't have any idea what the movie would be about until they had written all of it. Man... Considering how much they had to cut to get the movie within at least a rough theme... I call that productivity... Then I watched select parts of the movie again and I liked it more. I think they put so much effort into the movie that it becomes sort of very self-oriented, and it has to be given time to grow on you. Parts like the Crimson Permanent Assurance just remind me of some ridiculous idea the Posse would come up with to film, and for that I appreciated it greatly. I think it was a great movie overall...
I was laying in bed one night and I realized how nice it would be to have a girlfriend. Don't think wrong, it's nothing having to do with the time and location, but I realized how nice it would be to have someone who could put up with you. I don't even really care what she would be like, although I do have defined ideals. The important thing would be the ability to coexist indefinitely, which I know is not something that I can claim for my relationship with anyone else, even my parents. It's pretty obvious the Posse disintegrates after a period as short as a sleepover. One thing I'm not sure about is whether I would want to use my girlfriend for physical enjoyment. To me it just doesn't seem like something you'd do to someone you respect. I think I've talked about this before... Never mind then.
Although a lot of my days pass by with friends, an equally large amount fly by where I don't leave my house, which I don't remember at all. It's already the 7th, my god time flies. I just hope this isn't an indication of how life will be from now on. I want to savor every second of my existence and appreciate it for what it truly is, like I did when I was a kid... I wanna be a kid again, and this isn't just a spur of the moment kind of thing either. I want to have the feeling that stuff just happens again, and that what happens is always good. I want to be surprised...
I'm kind of running out of things to type about and it seems I've written an awful lot already. Bloody hell, I don't want to revise all of that, so I think I'll stop here. (and yes I have to revise all my posts, just in case...)
14 Comments:
I guess I'm an exception that Radiohead critique of yours. But all generalizations have to have exceptions. <- Even that one? Anyhow, on a very detached look, Radiohead appeals to me, but somehow, Yorke's voicework is missing something for me. Like, I want to like Radiohead, but it just doesn't carry magic with it. Or perhaps the Mac lab is not condusive to the ideal Radiohead-listening mood. Because I need different music for different moods- Bach (and good portions of Mozart) is for cereberal-pensive moods, Beethoven for majesty and heapings of power, Mendelssohn for quiet emoting, John Williams for energetic drive, etc. Of course, this is just a small listing of ideal moods- it's not like any one composer is for any one mood. Actually, this sounds like blog material, hm...
Dude what the fuck mark, I'm not a girl or sad at all and I don't fucking care how many of them are in the band. I also don't care if they rip off from anywhere. As far as I'm concerned most people consider them better than Aphex Twin and I probably will too, even if what they're doing isn't original. Whoe the fuck cares about originality in the type of music when it's original in the fact that it's better than others of its type. And why the hell are you reading my blog anyways, as well as using the blogger comment system...
hey kirill,
blogspot had the kindness to shed my last posted comment (i guess that supports your that Blogger works best) about radiohead so I'll just make it again.
Radiohead are bombastic, pretentious snaggletooths who can't hack the rock n roll circuit anymore so they steal from aphex twin and his millions of bleepybloop imitators. Their songs are hardly about anything Kirill. If you find a special meaning in them, it's yourself you should praise for fabricating a fake meaning in the absence of meaning in the actual song.
I mean seriously, what meaning can you deduce from "everything in its right place?" It could probably mean a million things, but all of them would take more effort to deduce than the very litle effort that Radiohead put into making the song in the first place.
I liked Radiohead back when they had balls in 95 and could write decent songs that didnt rip off anyone yet. Thom Yorke's voice is wimpy and immutable. He is a one trick pony. Radiohead now consist of easy sad chords and whining. Seriously kirill, how many of their fans are anything but fat college girls and sad people?
Cop some real rock n roll.
oops. hey look! there's my old comment! talk about superfluous posting!
and kirill, if you listened to chuck berry a shitload, and thought he was the king, why would you want to listen to some white dude playing a bad imitation? thats all im saying. Plus, how can you respect a band that steals its music (or at least its ideas) from the industry standard? its lame, uninspired rubbish.
My word on Radiohead is incomplete cause I only have The Bends and OK Computer. I think their new stuff sucks, that The Bends is tolerable, and that OK Computer is worthwhile, although mostly for its emotional weight. Even OKC isn't that original, though, but in the context of a piss-poor decade for mainstream music, it's pretty damn good. I liked Yorke's singing better on OKC, but I will forever insist that he held back The Bends from being as good an album as it could have been, especially on "High and Dry" when he gets to the chorus and produces the most emotionless, flat wail, and sucks the momentum out of the song like a sponge.
And my current moods are a joke, and I doubt anyone else's are, but it's not supposed to be significant, unless you're me, and you think that your Christmas trees are the funniest thing since sliced bread. My current music stuff is not a joke, as it's to subtly guide people to music that I think is higher-end than what they're used to, and also so I can look back in a year and think "I thought that was good??!"
Amazing Mark, you made real, sensible arguments, and I agree with most of them. It's just that sometimes I want to listen to stereotypical "bleepybloop" music. When there's no one around, and it's raining outside, and I'm reading something on the internet, I wouldn't mind having Radiohead as background noise. Also, Radiohead music (just like everyone they are imitating) embodies the "sad" emotions I myself never have, despite the fact that it's not that hard to make, and not that good, so I get to experience them indirectly. The Bends and OK Computer kick all the new albums' asses. And yes I listen to real rock and roll as well, if your definition isn't too far off from mine. I tend to find personal meaning in every song that's different that from what the singers are singing, I usually don't even pay attention to the words, because no one has original ideas anymore. I create a situation in my head where the music is playing in the background and adding to the feeling. And I find that satisfying.
And Jerry, seeing as I haven't read your blog, I wasn't targeting it. If I don't know what it's like, how can I be dissatisfied with it...
As to the fact how I can like a band that makes uninspired music stealing their style from the industry standard? I don't actually like the band. I couldn't care less about the band. I didn't even mention the word respect once in my post. I like the music they come up with. I can put up with all of its negatives because I haven't heard anything better with its style, or actually anything other stealing from that industry standard. And I haven't listened to Aphex Twin (who I suppose is the King of "bleepybloop") so I have nothing to compare against. And although I like Thom Yorke's voice, that doesn't mean I'd wanna meet him... I'd probably hate the guy because he was a whiny condescending bastard...
i guess i can't argue with taste....
But seriously Kirill, what I can't figure out is if you don't like the band, you barely mind the music (since you're obviously not listening to it - you pretty much claim to invent whatever is in your head when Radiohead are playing, if all this, why are you getting so upset?
I guess I can understand the part about not caring what kind of person made the music. If I was eating somebody's shit, I suppose I wouldn't be wondering whether he was a nice guy or not.
But not caring about the people making it, their intentions/lyrics and whatnot, if you don't listen, you are poisoning the purpose of art, which is self-expression and the sharing of ideas. It sounds like all you do when you listen to music is further your own whiny, indignant, and very often selfish emotions - the kind of stuff you post about all the time. And from there I'm sure it's not much of a stretch to say you do the same when you experience any kind of art. Or even when you are doing nothing. That is a waste of the art. Music should not be for background listening, it is an art and should be respected, even the stuff that is whiny, bleepybloop rubbish.
Well you see Mark, you're completely right. And what you said is typical of most everybody. So my secret's out. I'm not special. Big whup...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ha
What?
I don't think I really asked any questions.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Umm, I don't know what happened with the last post, I must have selected part of my writing while I was typing, and typed over it by accident, cause it makes no sense to me too. Weird. I don't know what questions I was talking about either...
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