What women can't do, women can't do.

As you're reading this, note that I'm pretty sure she was actually attempting to cheer me up and not doing it all as a cruel joke or to pass time.


KirillySilly: betsy I'm sad
KirillySilly: say something that will cheer me up
ilovejesseandrob: umm
ilovejesseandrob: jerry just updated turbogreg!
ilovejesseandrob: http://turbogreg2themax.blogspot.com/
KirillySilly: no that won't do it
ilovejesseandrob: ummm
ilovejesseandrob: hmmm
ilovejesseandrob: i got another email from my roommate
ilovejesseandrob: she has a green microwave
KirillySilly: wow
KirillySilly: that is one of the most depressing things you could've possibly said
ilovejesseandrob: haha sorry
ilovejesseandrob: ummm
KirillySilly: you have no idea how something so materialistic can totally pull someone down
KirillySilly: i'm really sad for you
ilovejesseandrob: psh i was not being materialistic
ilovejesseandrob: i was making conversation
ilovejesseandrob: since we have to eat in our dorm room
ilovejesseandrob: the microwave is a symbol of our future partnership
ilovejesseandrob: we are providing sustenance for one another
KirillySilly: how can you find satisfaction in bonding over something as trivial as physical sustenance
KirillySilly: it's so irrelevant
KirillySilly: it's emotional sustenance that matters
KirillySilly: you can't bond over a microwave
ilovejesseandrob: yes you can!
KirillySilly: you can bond over conversations where you open up to each other
KirillySilly: if you can bond over a microwave, you can bond over anything with anyone
KirillySilly: and what good is bonding if it's so meaningless that it doesn't require anything special
ilovejesseandrob: well the microwave sharing is part of our opening-up conversations
ilovejesseandrob: we've been sending really long emails back and forth
KirillySilly: how great, your bond is so weak and fake it can form over email
ilovejesseandrob: oh!
ilovejesseandrob: i have a good story that will cheer you up
ilovejesseandrob: because it is silly.
KirillySilly: silly things won't cheer me up
ilovejesseandrob: ...
ilovejesseandrob: well i will tell you anyway
KirillySilly: introspective, wise things will cheer me up
KirillySilly: simple and brilliant things will cheer me up
KirillySilly: that's why all you women suck at this
KirillySilly: you don't seem to get that
ilovejesseandrob: is it simple and brilliant that my new coworker is trying to change my name to becky?
KirillySilly: no
ilovejesseandrob: darn.
KirillySilly: that probably just has a simple reason behind it
ilovejesseandrob: well i was GOING to tell you the whole story
ilovejesseandrob: but not anymore.
KirillySilly: that should cheer me up, starting to tell me something and then not doing it
KirillySilly: brilliant tactics
ilovejesseandrob: so this evening
ilovejesseandrob: (this is a new story)
ilovejesseandrob: well fine
ilovejesseandrob: i'll go back to the old story
ilovejesseandrob: so
ilovejesseandrob: most of the people in my office chat while they are working
ilovejesseandrob: but i am extremely focused and quiet
KirillySilly: imagining you like that nearly makes me cry
ilovejesseandrob: so usually i can go the whole two hours without talking to anyone except my supervisor
ilovejesseandrob: so today i was working at a station next to two others
ilovejesseandrob: and my friend sarah c. was talking to this other guy matt in our office
ilovejesseandrob: and he was like, "becky is so concentrated on her work! she won't even hear us when we are talking about her"
ilovejesseandrob: so i said "um, hello..."
ilovejesseandrob: because of course i could sort of hear
ilovejesseandrob: anyway
ilovejesseandrob: i can't remember the dialogue
ilovejesseandrob: it was funnier
ilovejesseandrob: but
ilovejesseandrob: then he was like
ilovejesseandrob: "we need to introduce her to all of the new students as becky and get the bosses to call her becky"
ilovejesseandrob: and this is why i stopped telling this story because i knew you wouldn't like it!
KirillySilly: you were absolutely correct
ilovejesseandrob: but i thought MAYBE it would amuse you because you all used to call me besty
KirillySilly: what does that have to do with anything?
ilovejesseandrob: ...
ilovejesseandrob: calling me weird nicknames
ilovejesseandrob: anyway
ilovejesseandrob: i need to go to bed
ilovejesseandrob: sorry i couldn't cheer you up
KirillySilly: god damn
KirillySilly: good night
ilovejesseandrob: i'm soooooorry
ilovejesseandrob: :'(
ilovejesseandrob signed off at 10:52:05 PM.


At this point I smacked my head really hard on the table and shot myself in the foot with my revolver. My eyes then watered for a bit and I felt better. Hurting myself ended up snapping me out of my miserable state better than talking to her. I'm not kidding, so don't call me a liar.